Then why does it feel like so?
Because it is the innerverse.
The existential terrain of the abyss.
Seeking the Philosopher’s stone,
The 5th element.
Heartscape of love,
The silence is deafening,
Time stands still,
Is all lost?
In a way ALL is lost,
The egoic past of mentalised illusions of self.
Delusional definitions of the SELF.
Of Source consciousness.
Where “I” becomes nothing/ NO thing.
Even the body offers no solace in this journey,
A Sojourner’s truth of self/God/Oneness/Everything.
In alignment with my highest truth, I seek for that which I have no idea what it is.
I have been here for so long, it is beginning to feel stale but normal.
Stasis, no movement, no motion, nothing… just an emptiness.
A form of inner despair… yet at peace with who I am.
Tears offer no definition nor any form of reference to this static state.
What happened to all my past colors, creativity, sense of self.
It is a form of death…
Not a form anymore…
But pure death…
Yes, I know death.
I died a long time ago…
Yet I am still breathing, existing, day to day, moment to moment.
I have died a billion times…yet I cannot find a stable fold/step to stand on.
I cannot find a sense of balance in this state of Spiritual death.
Yet by intention… I am balanced.
By spiritual work of the inner true self… I am balanced.
The death state on the other hand is an imbalance that takes my breath away.
Day to day I hope that Source hears my plea.
Talk to me.
Connect with me.
Love me once again.
Restore me back to me.
I have no name to call this thing.
Yet I embrace it as part of my conscious choice.
My ice cream of experience.
All I can do is sit and wait in inner silence
I die very badly…
Do you know?
I want to add.
Don’t be mad at my lingo of choice to add to you.
I love you.
I die too (he says all the time and I know).
I talk to him all the time, here in me.
I die too badly…
Merge with me orgiastically,
Increase my capacity to self determine.
Jump start a new higher consciousness timeline on my behalf.
So I might move forward from this death state of the void.
The abyss is over remember?
So what is this thing I am experiencing moment to moment for the past decade or so?
I love you… I want you… Source God love says.
Don’t die on me.
I want all you say and do, its just that its been a long time coming.
Reveal what is unfolding to me.
Take this journey with me.
Let me share in your journey with me through this ice- cream death process.
I love… that is all I know.
Die me now badly at you saying I die badly instead of I am dying.
Die… not in death but in bliss.
I have to go cry at God saying I love all that you are then NOTHING.
I am here ALL… can you all hear me?
Love and Blessings,